Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
