Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
