is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
