He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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