you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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