Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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