Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize