i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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