Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
