i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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