On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
