if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize