She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
