she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
