At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
