there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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