The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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