I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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