Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
