When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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