Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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