Duck Duck Cougar?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
