At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The adults are the big ones right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
