Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
