Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
