No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were trust falling into bushes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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