we have pet lesbian snakes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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