I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
