Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
