pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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