Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
