We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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