i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
