Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
