She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
did i just pee glitter
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
