I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize