he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
