two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He felt like a one man threesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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