i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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