She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
