your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
