The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
where are my eyebrows?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
