i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
