good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need a burrito and a hug.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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