I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
