you guys were way drunker than both of me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize