Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
