guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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