I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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