New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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