Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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