PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize