when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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