i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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