I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
