So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
