dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
