I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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