He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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