taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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