Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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