Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize