I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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