Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
