I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
