im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
