My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
