Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
